Desperate
by ibreak4CSI
Summary: Two people. One common desire. Will it ever happen?


Summary: Two people. One common desire. Will it ever happen?

Notes: This is one of my older fics I had forgotten about. I just remembered it and decided to post it! :)

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Sue someone else.

-Desperate-

Catherine stared up at her ceiling, the emotion she had been trying harder and harder lately to hide overwhelming her. She didn't know how much more of this she could take. Was Gil not interested? She sighed, that must be it. Or maybe he just hadn't picked up on the sometimes not so subtle clues she had been sending his way these past few months. Oh, she knew he loved her, and Lindsey too, but that was not the kind of love she wanted. She had thought that deep down, maybe Gil had held the same feelings for her as she did or him. But she had been wrong. Maybe that was why it didn't seem as they were as close as they used to be. Maybe he had guessed her feelings, and had not returned them, therefore making him uncomfortable around her. Tears rolled down her cheeks, thoughts of sleep far away.

Miles away, Grissom sat at his couch in front of some television show he was not really paying attention to. It was the Discovery channel, which he usually liked to watch, but tonight, on his first night off in several weeks, he just wasn't interested. His thoughts were on Catherine, as they always seemed to be lately. He could not have kept her out of his head even if he had wanted to, which he hadn't. It was getting to be too much for him. Catherine had always teased and flirted with him, it was just how she was. But lately, she seemed to be at it more. Every time he saw her, except the few times when she was mad at him, she always had some sort of comment for him. Unfortunately, he responded to the comments way too much, emotionally and physically. He had been able to hide his reactions so far, but sooner, rather than later, he felt, he was going to burst with the feelings he was harboring inside. Against his own will, he had found himself pulling away from her, avoiding her, as if to stop the constant flow of thoughts about her that sometimes even interrupted his work. And if there was anything that bugged him, it was not being able to concentrate on his work. Sighing, Gil tried to focus his attention back to the television and the mating habits if the wolf spider.

Two hours later, Catherine still lay in bed, wide awake, given up long ago trying to sleep. Rather than subsiding, as she had thought they would after she inspected and cursed them, her emotions and desires seemed to be even more keyed up than before she had gone to bed. Catherine got up, deciding to fix herself a cup of tea. She walked to the kitchen, not having to worry about being quiet, since Lindsey was at a friend's house, sleeping over. Catherine put the water on to boil and was reaching for a mug when a thought occurred to her. She dismissed it automatically. She was not that desperate. She decided against the tea, and dumped the water back out of the kettle, walked into the living room, and flipped on the television. Discovery channel. So much for the show distracting her, she thought, leaving it on, despite her better judgment. It only served to remind her of the one time she had thought that Gil just _might_ return her feelings.

_It had been a little over three months ago. Catherine had gone to Gil's house, seeking comfort in his friendship, when her last boyfriend, Brad, had dumped her. Gil had welcomed her in, just as he always did. He listened while she talked about it. He listened while she said all kinds of bad things about herself, convincing herself that she wasn't fit to love. Never knowing that she was more upset that she couldn't have him than she was about breaking up with Brad. That was where the similarities between that and the other episodes from other breakups ended._

_Usually, they would talk for hours and then go to bed, always separately. But that night, he had taken her in his arms, while they sat on his couch. She had pulled away, ready to say that she was tired, and wanted to go to bed. One look at his face though, all thoughts had gone flying out the window. They stared at each other for what seemed like hours, but couldn't have been more than thirty seconds. Just as he started to lean in to kiss her, Gil had suddenly pulled back, muttering something about getting them something to drink. He had gotten up off the couch, and gone into the kitchen, all the while avoiding her eyes. Which he would have seen, had he looked, were full of confusion and pain. After that, they had pretty much not talked at all, drinking their hot cocoa, and soon afterward, going to bed. The next day, Gil had apologized, and she had told him she had forgiven him, telling him to think nothing of it. It was too bad she didn't take that advice herself. She had lived in hell the next couple weeks, wondering every time she saw him ,what would have happened, had they kissed. _

Tonight, Catherine found herself wondering again, what might have happened. Combined with her absurd idea in the kitchen, and the overwhelming emotions she was feeling, it made an explosive combination. Before she could convince herself not to, she was out the door, throwing only a coat on over her silk pajamas. Catherine couldn't take it any more. She was in love, and was desperate to know if he felt the same way.

Gil had turned the television off almost an hour ago. They had been playing a program that was entirely too close to the one he had been watching when Catherine had come knocking on his door, around three months ago. The day he had almost threw it all out the window and kissed her. They had never been as close since then, and he felt bad for it. Gil didn't know if the almost-kiss was the cause or just the result of the awkward tension between them lately. He had wanted that kiss. Just thinking about it right now made him want to jump up and drive over to her house, and kiss her senseless. Not one given to acting on a whim, though, he just sat there in thought. He was almost ready to give up and march right over there, and to hell with the consequences, when he heard a soft knock on the door. He got up opened it, and who should it be but the object of thoughts, standing there in her coat and pajamas, looking very unsure of herself, but at the same time, completely and utterly gorgeous.

"Catherine?"

Catherine pulled into his driveway and turned off the engine. Several times over the trip here, she had told herself not to be stupid, and to turn right back around and go home. But here she was. Oh, God, what was she doing here? Telling herself not to lose her courage now, after all, she had made it this far, Catherine went up to the door, and knocked.

Gil opened the door, and she almost turned around and ran back to my car. But she didn't.

"Catherine?" Gil looked surprised to see her standing in his doorway at two in the morning.

"Can I come in?" She asked quietly.

"Sure." He opened the door wider, and stepped back, allowing her to enter.

She sat down on the couch and he sat on the opposite end. The silence was oppressive, and Catherine wondered how she ever thought she would have the courage to go through with this.

She picked up the remote, and, seeing his strange look, she said, although she didn't look at him,

"I just want to see what's on."

Gil knew that she wanted to talk about something, but he also knew better than to press her.

Catherine flipped through the channels, stopping when she didn't see anything interesting. Not that she would have noticed even if there was anything decent on.

She stared at the screen for a while, mentally cursing herself for not getting this over the minute he opened the door, instead of letting her nerves get the best of her. Taking a long breath, Catherine decided it was now or never. Turning the television back off, she turned toward a confused, yet patient looking Gil.

"I have something I need to tell you."

He smiled gently, despite the feeling that what was coming next was going to be less than humorous.

"I would never have guessed."

"Gil...Do you remember that day a few months ago, I came here after breaking up with Brad?"

He nodded, almost imperceptibly.

By now, Catherine didn't really even feel nervous anymore, but rather relieved that she was going to finally tell him how she felt. She plunged on, knowing that she had to get this out.

"And that day...we almost kissed?"

Another nod.

"Well, on that day, I was hurt. Badly. And I was confused. You were sending out mixed signals, and I didn't know if you had wanted the kiss to happen or not."

She paused, and looked him straight in the eye.

"I did, Gil. I wanted that kiss so badly that I ached the next few weeks for what might have been. I still do. You want to know the reason I came over here tonight? Tonight I was desperate. I had to know if you loved me as much as I loved you. I had to know because it was killing me. And I want to know now, Gil. Do you or don't you?"

Gil's insides felt like they were ready to explode with all of the emotions overflowing in him, relief, excitement, and love among them. But at the same time, he felt a load slipping off his back at Catherine's confession. He knew how much it had taken for her to come here to say that. He knew because he had contemplated doing that very thing, but hadn't had nearly enough courage.

"I do."

Hearing those words, Catherine leaped for joy inside herself. She threw herself at him, and kissed him full on the lips. Catherine felt him tense and then relax, as his arms surrounded her, and he kissed her, as hungrily as she had him. His tongue invaded her mouth, and she gasped at the sensation. The whole world faded out, leaving only them, and this wonderful thing that was happening. Their tongues dueled, going in and out of each other's mouths. This went on for several minutes, until Catherine pulled away, gasping for breath. She had to hear the words coming from his mouth before she went any further.

"I love you, Gil Grissom." She said, her voice low and husky.

"And I love you, Catherine Willows."

And with that, they entered a world previously unknown. The world of two people hopelessly and desperately in love.

The End


End file.
